Clearly, I had no idea of the true meaning of self-care. As someone who was already being called-out for leading a "dangerously selfish lifestyle", I felt the last thing I needed to do was invest more time and energy into myself because I was already "self absorbed" as is. Initially, the notion of self-care sounded to me (as it sounds to many people) as something completely self-indulgent. My mother is a colon cancer survivor whose beginning symptoms were regular digestive issues it was time for a lifestyle change. For the first time in my life, I had a health complication that, if not treated properly, could change my life. So, that meant I could eat steak and chocolate cake washed down with a couple of glasses of Pinot as long as I had some greens and made it to the gym the next day.įinding out I had GERD was a wake up call. I wasn't concerned with being healthy, I thought that thin = healthy. In reality, my lifestyle wasn't very healthy at all, I ate and exercised for body-size at the time. For me, this was a gut-punch because I was a "model who lived a healthy lifestyle" (serious side-eye to my younger self). I went to the hospital and was diagnosed with Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. I couldn't eat anything, I couldn't even stomach water. This ill-feeling wasn't your regular hangover, my entire body felt as if it was ready to shut down. What led to my exact self-care "aha!" moment? It was the day after my 27th birthday festivities, I woke up in my tiny bedroom in Bed-Stuy next to one of my best girlfriends, still wearing my makeup and outfit from the night before and feeling insanely ill. It was after spending the bulk of my mid-messy-twenties doing the absolute most that I realized I needed to stop and reevaluate the way I was treating myself. It changed the way I think about myself, the ways I interact with others, and the thoughts I have about others and the world. It may sound a bit dramatic, but, self-care saved my life. I'm hoping that the current trendiness of self-care will lead more people to dig deeper and discover the importance of true self-care, develop their own definition of self-care and implement self-care practices. Self-care is trending right now and, as a self-care advocate, sure, I have mixed feelings about that.
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